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Energy Vampires: The Controller

Oct 19, 2020

Have you ever been around someone who obsessively tried to control and dictate everything they thought you were supposed to be, do, have, and feel? 

These energy vampires have an opinion about everything and try to control you by invalidating your emotions especially if those emotions don’t fit into their rulebook.

They often start sentences with “You know what you need?” and then proceed to tell you. 

This ends up making you feel stuck, demeaned, and put down. 

We’re talking about the type of Energy Vampire called The Controller. This type of energy vampire can chip away at your self-worth and this can lead to depression and other physical symptoms.

Here are a few signs to watch out for: 

  • They flatter you and shower you with gifts until you feel you owe them and have to be nice and return.
  • Then... they gradually increase the pressure until they're not nice at all (and you're still being nice)
  • They're constantly "checking in" with you, asking where you are, and/or when and where you'll be at a certain time.
  • They might even tell you to change what you're wearing
  • They constantly dismiss your point of view.

I know some of these examples may seem harsh, but the reality is that this type of behavior is common in Energy Vampires.

Well, I never want to just leave you thinking about all the problems without giving you simple, real-life strategies. That’s what I’m here for! 

How to protect your emotions:

  • Never try to control a controller. This is an exhausting battle and it will drain your energy even more.
  • Come from a place of "healthy assertiveness" when standing up for yourself and saying NO.
  • You could say, "I value your advice but I really need to work through this on my own."
  • Be confident but don't play the victim or sweat the small stuff. Focus on high priority issues rather than things like putting the cap back on the toothpaste.

I'd love to share a few of my other Energy Vampire blog posts with you from a few weeks ago: The Victim and The Space Invader